Uncompromising: Towards a boundaried and values-driven way of interacting

Leaving corporate life doesn't mean you won't meet a toxic person again.

In my minimum wage jobs, or in situations related to the management of the site where my van is parked, I encounter the same problematic types.

Personality disorders, out-of-control egos, and a plain lack of self-awareness plague the planet.

You don't have to be a CEO to exhibit narcissistic levels of self-preservation (but it helps).

So what's the answer? Grace, avoidance, confrontation? All of these, in my experience, are problematic because they’re effortful. They require us to be less than authentic: managing the situation, playing a role, protecting ourselves from an energy leak instead of just being.

Yet for people-pleasers (many of us), boundaries are a constant revelation and source of confusion. A boundary implies something knowable and plottable on a map: fixed. But in life, especially when you are sensitive to others’ moods, the terrain keeps moving.

One thing that saddens me is how often strong people say to empathetic people, “You need better boundaries.” There’s judgment baked into that phrase. And paradox. Because anyone with actual boundaries might well reply: Please don’t tell me how to conduct myself. Yet we’re expected to meekly agree.

Boundaries have become a stick to beat the cautious with. And if you don't already have them or know how to wield them, they're about as easy to get as a unicorn.

Projection is everywhere. The emotionally leaky want containment. The entitled want permission. The volatile want regulation. And if you’re calm, open, and not overly reactive, they think you’ve volunteered.

But you haven’t.

What it Means to Put Our Values at the Centre of Our Communications

A lot of us can't communicate from a place of values because we're confused about what our values even are.

It’s not that we’re uncertain whether oppression, deceit, or tax evasion are good—it’s that a long time ago, we learned that forwarding our own values was dangerous, naive, or selfish.

And because we’ve bitten our tongues for so long… they’ve gone numb.

Values are the quiet insistence on rules that shouldn’t need to be spoken aloud.

Communicating with values doesn’t mean calling others out. It might be:

• The question you don’t answer.
• The provocative statement you don’t respond to.
• The change in your posture, the stillness in your chest.
• The withdrawal of your energy from the table.
• The act of staying on your own side.

So what does it look like to live and speak from that deeper place?
Let’s explore eight principles of values-driven communication: